And where she lost

Many years ago I came to this country.. Which country? It does not have much significance in terms of my story so I like to keep it a secret. Nevertheless I do not want people to raise their eyebrow. After all it may embarrass my  granddaughter - Rebecca. The name is also a fictitious one for maintaining her privacy.

I came from a subtropical country where the average temperature is high and humid in summer followed by heavy rainfall monsoon and a dry cool winter. I arrived in this country to obtain a higher academic degree. Soon after completing my degree I was offered a job in an agro farm with lucrative salary. So I accepted the offer and never went back.

I used to visit my parents once a year during my yearly vacation. However after my parents' sad demise I became very irregular about going home. I was the only child of my parents and didn't have any other near relatives. Gradually I lost interest of going back to my motherland although sometimes I felt like I was a sufferer!

Days went by as I continued working here and busy building my career. I was living an otherwise happy life. After I arrived here, initially I used to feel very annoyed with the climate. Being in a temperate zone the weather in this place was somewhat unpredictable and more often than not the days got encumbered by lots of fog, chilly breeze and every year very short was the summer. It took few years for me to become acclimatized and coming to terms with the weather and the culture. Also my broken heart added salt to the broth and motivated me to remain here.

Back in 1999 I fell sick. I was suffering for few days with stomach problem. Later I got myself admitted in the hospital with severe stomach pain. The doctor kept me under close supervision for several days in the hospital. I was in good care of the nurses and doctors. I recovered rather quickly and discharged within a week.

There, at the hospital I met Natasha. She was the nurse assigned to take care of me. Along with her routine work she used to do some extra out of her work scope. She was a beautiful girl with long curly hair and blue eyes.. a perfect beautiful blonde of neither too tall nor too short in stature. Natasha was neither fatty, nor skinny.. She was just perfectly balanced and had the beauty of an innocent child. She used to accomplish all her duties with sincerity and utmost responsibility and 'something else', which I later analyzed as love and affection.

Above I mentioned myself as a sufferer. As it happened long time ago, I was in love with a boy. For few years we gossiped and roamed around with hand in hand. The boy was the first to propose. I had strong passion for him so I did not deny. We had regular interaction with each other. One day to my disbelief, through a letter he broke up our relationship. It came as a bolt from the blue for me. My dream to build a nest of our own was ruined. I wanted to be an affectionate mother. Though my love and my dream was shattered to dust but remained my great longing for a child who will call me 'mom'. However it was not fulfilled so far.

A relationship grew gradually between Natasha and me. Upon being released from the hospital the doctor advised me to follow a regular check-up.

Natasha bid me 'good bye' as I started for my home.

Saturday was my day off so usually I used to visit the doctor on that day for follow up. Every time I went to the hospital Natasha would come running to me like a child. She would give me a hug and invariably always brought hot coffee for me. I felt it was not only the coffee but the love of a child for mother. She also used to bring me a soft warm blanket and cover me as soon as I reached the hospital. It felt like she treated me as a child.

After few follow ups the doctor advised me that I was quite alright and there was no need to continue the weekly check-up. I think Natasha knew doctor's decision earlier than me. I looked for Natasha in the hospital but could not find her. I could not even thank her for what so far she did for me.

Long six months passed by. One day I was in my single bed apartment and watching a TV documentary. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. I received a pleasant surprise seeing Natasha standing at the door! Happily I shouted: 'Oh! Natasha its you. Where you coming from?'

I gave her a motherly hug and asked how she was doing. Then my second thought came how did she find my address and why was she here! I did not give her my address. That meant she collected it from the hospital records.

With a low soft and nervous voice she begged: 'May I stay in your house, only this night'. and she desperately continued 'I am helpless, please only this night..'

I kept on thinking what big problem brought her to me. I saw Natasha very gloomy and pale. I was bit hesitant as I had no extra bed to accommodate her. I think she guessed my thoughts and said she can sleep on the couch.

Reluctantly I approved her prayer. She didn't bring any big luggage but just only a small travel bag. After all I did not forget her love, care and sympathy that she extended to me at the hospital. I had some soft corner in my heart for her.

Three nights went by and there was no sign of her leaving the house. It was getting very embarrassing for me. As the days passed by I found her to be more gloomy. She ate very little and started becoming pale. I did not know what I should do.

Later one evening I went to the hospital to inquire about her. The hospital authority informed me they are unaware of her whereabouts and she was absent from her duty for last few days and her husband was out stationed most of the times for his work.

Few days later Natasha told me that soon she was going to rent a studio apartment for herself and move there. I felt relieved.

On the eleventh day when Natasha was out, an young man, perhaps of an Indian ancestry came to my house. He asked, 'Is Natasha here'? I became very surprised. Who was that man and what was his relationship with Natasha.

He requested, 'May I come inside, its very cool out here!' I allowed him and told him to be seated. 'Who are you? and what can I do for you?' I asked.

He  paused for a while and then started, 'Natasha is my wife. She is suffering from some sort of mental sickness'. He continued, 'It is not her first time, in the past she left our house twice, but within few days she came back'.

I asked if there was any problem between them. He strongly shook his head and expressed negative. He told that they both love each other and added, 'Natasha is pregnant. This time I was out stationed for work and she left our house. I checked the drawer and found that in my absence she had not taken any medicine. And I think so perhaps her mental problem again relapsed. I want her back home'.

Coincidentally Natasha returned at that moment. Seeing Michael - her husband she became furious. I walked up to Natasha and gave her hug patted her back and said, 'Please sit down my dear, and cool down'.

Like a good girl she sat down. I offered her a coffee saying, 'Let all of us drink and then hear patiently what Michael has to say'.

A second round of coffee was on and quietly we finished it. Actually Natasha's coffee was mixed with medicine that Michael passed on to me in between our talks earlier and advised to mix with any food. After an hour or more I noticed a change in Natasha. Her eyes became soft and body language turned sober.

Michael approached her very near and uttered, 'Darling let's go home. It is already late and I am hungry'. The words acted like a magic. Natasha stood up and softly said, 'Let's go'.

She picked up her bag and said me, 'Mum, I go then'. Natasha behaved as if nothing happened so far. She did not forget to hug me and whispered in my ear, 'Mom, my mom, I wont forget you' before she left my place.

I heard the sweetest words ever said to myself. I felt like to cry but I controlled myself however. Holding her close to my chest I told, 'Wish you my dear, a happy long life.'

Few months passed. I remained busy with work and also had overseas trips for work purposes. Then on one Sunday when I was working in my garden I saw Michael - Natasha's husband coming towards my house with a bundle of clothes holding carefully to his chest. I got up quickly and greeted him, 'Hello Mike, how are you?'.  I felt bit worried and inquired about the health of Natasha. On his brown face I noticed a shadow of sorrow.

I invited him inside. He got himself seated and unwrapped the clothes bundle. I was shocked to see a baby may be a month old in  Michel's clasp.

With tears he told, 'It is our daughter, forty five days old. One night when I was asleep, Natasha left the house again. The baby was in her neonatal stage only'.

He paused for a while. I was in suspense and could not wait to hear about what happened to Natasha. So I asked, 'What  happened then'?.

'Then I fell in big trouble taking care of the baby. With lots of effort and help of a kind woman so far I kept her alive. But the kind woman is about to go on a prolonged holiday and is unable to help me any further. Still I hope for Natasha's coming back. For these transitional period I beg your kindness. Can you please keep her with you for sometime?'

He gave his baby to me. At that point first time I saw the baby's face. She is the true copy of Natasha. When I was in the hospital I used to find my daughter in Natasha. I used to think if I had married in my early age, I could have a daughter like Natasha.

Mike went away leaving the baby in my care and never came back. One day I collected Mike and Natasha's address from the hospital and went to their home. The house looked deserted as if nobody has stayed there for a long time. I went about to look for their next door neighbor. They informed me that they have not seen Michael for a long long time. Ever since then 'Rebeca' is with me. I named her. From a baby she became a toddler and started trying to walk and speak..

Time passes by quickly. Rebeca is now fifteen and she calls me Grandma. Sometimes she would ask me about her parents. She is the child of my daughter Natasha. Mike called me once and told he will come soon. But he also haven't showed up yet. Until now there is no trace of Natasha. Police also could not trace her.


I remember near Natasha's home I saw a big stream flowing with strong currents...